i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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