one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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