drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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