just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize