probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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