It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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