woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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