Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize