Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So much rum. So many feels.
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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