So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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