fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize