I smell stomach acid.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't deserve a penis
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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