The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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