I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize