i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize