I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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