I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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