I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize