I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize