can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize