Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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