Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're like the curious george of whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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