My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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