I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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