So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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