Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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