Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize