I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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