6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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