And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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