youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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