went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i barfeds in our rink
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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