maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize