my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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