I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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