Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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