so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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