I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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