the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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