Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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