I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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