thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
please come you make the beer taste better
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize