now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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