4 words: hood of his car
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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