if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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