I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's never too late to be topless.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize