How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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