So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize