i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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