I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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